Jesus Christ on a fucking cracker

Jesus Christ in a Fucking Cracker….

Carl Sagan once talked about a magic, invisible, undetectable dragon in his garage. No matter what test you devised to detect this dragon, the dragon was smarter, and could evade the test. Nevertheless, the dragon was there.

Right?

Likely story, eh?

Far more likely there was no dragon, eh?

Just when you think humanity has demonstrated the ultimate in stupidity, they up the ante.

Are you telling me that there are Catholics out there — and apparently quite a few — who really believe that Jesus enters a fucking cracker? That the fucking cracker becomes the flesh and blood of Jesus after the priest mumbles some bullshit over it? And then you… eat the Jesus-cracker?

And, if somebody gets the cracker, and doesn’t eat it, that it’s possible for them to hold the cracker fucking hostage?.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. I mean, how do you know the cracker is the flesh and blood of Jesus. It sure doesn’t seem like it is — seems entirely cracker-like, and very non-fleshy, non-bloody. Well, apparently, like Sagan’s dragon, it is Jesus, but, in an undetectable way.

Well, excuse me if I think you’re fucking batshit insane, and not a little stupid, if you believe in this Eucharist nonsense.

That many Catholics apparently (and astonishingly, sickeningly, depressingly, fucking retardedly) really do believe that the consecrated communion wafer is really really really Jesus flesh and blood, and that to desecrate it is to desecrate the actual Jesus — well this is no excuse, and evokes no sympathy whatsoever. Sane people are under no obligation whatsoever to humor the insane beliefs of others. Sure, you have the right to believe whatever it is you’re going to believe anyhow — coercion is not a way to get anybody to believe, or stop believing anything — but you do not have the right — repeat, you DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT — to be free from mockery for your beliefs. I hereby officially mock the idiotic notion of the transubstantiation. Ha ha ha… you transubstantiation believers are morons of the dullest sort.

For what it’s worth, I once attended Christmas mass with a (not-really) Catholic friend, whose parents were Catholic. There was a lot of mumbo jumbo, a lot of sitting and standing and sitting and standing, and then came the time for communion. My friend told me not to go up. But, somehow, everyone was going up, and I found myself in line. Well, ok, so I took communion. Didn’t taste the least bit bloody or fleshy. Very ordinary — well, extraordinarily bland, actually — little wafer. Well, I had no idea that I’d committed some sort of offense by taking this, and luckily, it being Christmas mass, and the church flooded with the only occasionally pious, nobody bothered to notice.

But, now we have this story of this kid in Florida (where else) taking a consecrated (ha!) communion wafer (ha!) “hostage” (Bwahahahahahahaha ROFLCOPTER!!!!). Well, unlike the Danish cartoonists making fun of Islam, this kid didn’t receive anything like…. oh wait… he DID receive death threats.

DEATH THREATS, people. Over taking a fucking cracker which was given to him “hostage.”

Christianity is officially no better than Islam, and Islam is fucking criminally idiotic.

And all the Christians complaining that the atheists don’t attack the “serious theological arguments” (please present one of these mythical beasts for examination) can just shut the fuck up. Your guys are making fucking death threats over a fucking cracker.

It does not get any more stupid than this.

If you believe that a cracker, after having been mumbled over by a priest, somehow becomes inhabited by some portion of the supreme creator of the universe — or worse — by the flesh and blood of this being’s corpse — and then you think it’s a good idea to eat this, I am sorry, but you are officially fucking retarded. You are dumber than dirt. You are stupid as a stick. The fact that they’ve given this idea a $64 word, “transubstantiation”, does not make it any less retarded.

Let me be clear. I don’t hate such people, this is not hate. This is pity, and an attempt to shock you into thinking. THINK! You believe that the supreme creator of the universe somehow inhabits a fucking cracker, and then you eat this cracker… somehow, what? You digest a little bit of Jesus? Really? That’s really what you believe? ON what basis? Because some book says so? (Hint: the Bible says no such
thing.)

For fuck’s sake you humans are beyond stupid.

Anyway, if the topic is interesting, check out Pharyngula these days, esp. the comments.

It’s a Goddamned Cracker!

Fresh Crackers!

Fight back against Bill Donohue

~ by scaryreasoner on July 11, 2008.

2 Responses to “Jesus Christ on a fucking cracker”

  1. This is going to be completely off topic – but have you ever used the username ‘SteepleReaper’ on any other forum?

    Sorry if that sounds weird. It’s a long shot – it’s just that your writing sounds almost exactly like someone I used to hang out with online a couple of years back, and the question will itch at me if I don’t at least ask.

    Otherwise, liked the post – I sent a physical mail to Mr. Bruininks myself with my email enclosed. I’ll be interested to see if I get a reply.

  2. Nope, I’ve never used that name, sorry.

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